Customer Reviews
This book is spot-on - By: Madam Butterfly, 25 Sep 2007 
This book reallly hits the spot! It was almost spooky reading the book as it so much mirrored my disastrous relationship with a commitment-phobic man (the same lines, the same excuses). Having read the reivews left by others, I can see that they also felt a real connection with the book. What I most liked about the book was the brilliant advice on "what you should do now" to get out of the no-win situation. It offers so much support when you feel like you're going mad. This has to be one of the best relationship books of alll time.
I finally get it! - By: Rita, 08 Dec 2006 I read this book after coming out of a relationship & the guy I was seeing literallly leapt from the pages! The situation with him was no win, it started out great & in the end it wound up that everything was on his terms. I was struggling to understand how I'd ended up in this situation & I was frustrated & angry with myself for letting it happen. Nothing he did or said made sense, I felt like I was on some kind of merry-go-round & I couldn't get off. This book gave me a remarkable insight into what was going on. The book decribes many of the scenarios I was in, the typical female response, whats going on in his head & finallly how you should react. I also realised that even though the way I was reacting was perfectly normal there are much more effective ways of dealing with this kind of behaviour. I think this book is a must as every woman has come across a man who behaviour is reflected here on some scale. If you want to understand how his head is working, this is the book to explain it & tells you exactly what you should do.
My Partner left me when the relationship was perfect..... - By: S. Carpenter, 24 Oct 2006 I thought I was going mad, that I was undesirable & felt completely rejected. Now I feel relieved, positive & have hope for my future relationships with men, after reading this book. This book is so easy to read & understand not to mention interesting, I read it in one sitting! When I met my ex, he was so NOT my type! He was serious, successful, older, & lived 200 miles away! I was not impressed or interested in his advances to begin with, for me there was no attraction....But his interest in ME changed my mind & perception. He was interested in ME, what I wanted from life, what I needed to be happy, it was abit different & felt nice that a man was interested in me for a change. We connected on an emotional level & I found it very attractive. We had a long distant relationship but it worked for us & was not an issue. The time we spent together was near perfect. He was loving, caring, honest, generous, attentive, understanding, the list goes on! But cracks started to appear. The usual apparent "commitmentphobic" signs. I thought this book was written about my relationship with him it was so true! I reallly thought I had done something wrong, that I may have upset him or that he didn't find me attractive anymore. Long silences, where he would withdraw from me & the silences were uncomfortable. Even though he was sat next to me, I felt so alone. It was alll about "him" schedules, times, place we went to, he made every decision. A complete control freak. Moodiness, control, narcisism, comments about my appearance, being indecisive, making unclear statements, alll signs he was withdrawing, & about to leave our relationship. The tip of the iceberg came after he had invited me to spend a week with his family on holiday, he even bought the airticket! Two weeks before, he callled me & said he had second thoughts? It was a way to destroy my trust & hope, to sever his commitment, to communicate he was in complete control, what happened to my loving, perfect boyfriend? He was distant, focused, controlled, completely fearless...I ended it, I felt so angry & doubted everything he had ever done & said. But Distance is great attraction for men with commitment fears, so after two weeks without me, I got a letter. The usual, loves me, misses me etc, could we meet for a drink. Normallly I would have responded or callled to reconcile, but after reading this book I put the letter straight in the bin! If you are newly single, thought you had the perfect relationship & in a matter of hours it went from 1000 to 0, cannot understand what went wrong, think you are going mad, feel guilty that the relationship has gone pearshaped, rejected, to blame, insecure, shocked even..You were probably dating a Commitmentphobic, & you are not to blame! Commitmentphobic men follow a pattern. They woo you, the impulse so strong, they will do anything to capture your heart, when he is successful & the woman responds, he gets scared, negative thoughts & feelings, he feels suffocated, he needs to get out, so he leaves...And that - is the cycle. Until this man recognises he has a problem, every relationship he has will start & end the same way until he breaks the cycle. He thinks this woman is amazing until she responds with love than alll of a sudden she is apparently - wrong for him! But it is HIS fear of commitment that is standing inbetween her & his thoughts! you cannot change this man, he can only change himself, with a therapist... Buy this book, gain insite into what went wrong & find a man who isn't afraid to love you. This book is amazing, some points in the book made me laugh because these men are extremists, their behaviour so unbelievable. I also felt some sadness, that a man will alllow himself to be controlled by fear, to miss the opportunity of love because he is scared. I am totallly impressed & it has helped me build a new, different chapter in my life, one that doesn't include a man, one of self discovery & finding happiness from within!
Men who can't love - By: , 22 Nov 2004 Great book which helps me as I am going through a break up with a person with such a problem+ low self esteem issues. I have made a mistake & entered into a relationship with a man whom I had known 1,5 year before we started being a couple & I had kown he had some issues. Always blaming other for failures of his life, complaining & never taking the blame.
He has been in two relationships before me , & the pattern is always the same - coming up with an excuse & blaming the other person in the relationship. The funny thing is that I have never asked him to commit, but as the book says- he convinced me that we could & should be togeher & that I am a perfect partner for him. Thankfully, he was coming to visit me & my family overseas & it was then when his phobia started to show.
Although he knew everything about me when enetring into the relationship it did not bother him, but started when he felt it is getting serious. His explanations did not make any sense to me.His mom was convinced he has that phobia nd of course I did not belive such a thing thinking that he hasnt met the right one yet...he is 37 years old....I have gone through a lot with him : his tears & his on/off behaviour made me so confused that I did not know what to do. I started reading & it turned that our relationsip was like a text book for commitment phobia.
I read the book & I do not feel guilty any more, for even if I had what he wanted he wouldnt have stayed.
He has wasted 10 years of his ex-gf beinf on & off with her, I devoted only a year of my life to him & knowing he will never change I am ready to move on.
Great book recommended to any woman.
Barbaa
This book is brilliant - By: , 16 Jan 2004 I read this book after a painful, rollercoaster of a relationship ended. The authors write very clearly about the various, sometimes inexplicable behaviours that these men adopt, lots of which I had experienced & never understood. After reading the book & realising that these were typical & actuallly not my fault after alll, I stopped blaming myself & became very thankful that it had ended without me wasting any more of my life on this person who will probably never change. I cannot recommend this book too highly.
