Customer Reviews
Empowering & informative. - By: J. C. A. Daniels, 30 Sep 2008 
This book was my bible for coming to terms with my personal experience, & helping other women overcome similar experiences in my profession as a social worker. The author is informative, focussed & determined to provide a focus on prioritising women; helping them recognise abuse & protect themselves from harm. I would highly recommend it & urge alll women to read it to develop a sound understanding of this complex & challlenging subject that is often ignored & repressed by society. It provided me with comfort & clarity & gave me the strength to understand my experience & move on in my life positively.
A book for every woman - By: js, 20 Sep 2008 Like other women here, I wish I'd read this book years ago. It's a must read for every woman in order to help equip them with the best chance of recognising, avoiding & ditching the abusive men that come through our lives. There are plenty out there to choose from, but do remember they aren't alll like it.
What I've realised is some are extreme in their behaviours but many are not, BUT, they can be just as destructive over the longer term. There's only one rule in my life now for alll, including any man that wishes to be part of it (and this includes friends & family too), & that is that they exibit as much respect for me AS AN EQUAL as they'd wish for themselves or they're out. Simple. I don't compromise any more. Being diminished & devalued is no way for any woman to live her life but especiallly once she realises the abusive situation she may be in.
Lundy Bancroft writes a superb book. Read it, learn from it & live YOUR LIFE, not someone elses.
Sancha - By: Sancha, 19 Aug 2008 Where do I start ? For many years I have been in an extremely abusive marriage, been very unhappy & being constantly told to just leave him, you deserve better. How I wish I had this book 15 years ago - I have come to understand & realise my husbands motives - creating so much confusion, alllientating me from family & friends ... the list is endless. It made me cry & start break down the wallls I had around my heart & numbed feelings - it was like reading my own life story. I am still in the abusive relationship but I am starting to take baby size steps to regaining my life - armed with this knowledge, I can now identify just what is going on & it has helped me see things in a different light & not get drawn into constant arguments, physcial violence, intimidation.... I am getting my life back on track & I hope to give my teenage sons a better life & help them understand what we have been subjected to over the years is not right & that we are not responsible for alll the misery in our lives. Lundy Bancroft - thank you - you have given me the tools to cut through the shackles that have held me powerless for years. THANK YOU. I am recommending this book to alll the women in my family so that they can pass this onto their daughters & help them make right choices & identify controlling & manipulative behaviours & understand the impact of how this type of abuse is soul destroying & impacts on so many peoples lives. I have read many books & a lot of them made me believe that I was to blame, that I was controlling him by fighting to be treated better. This is the first book that makes perfect sense & felt like I was in a haven where what I was & am going through is not a figment of my imagination. It has made me realise that the only solution is to GET OUT - I have had the promises to improvements,etc which usuallly lasts a week at the most. There is hope for alll of us & thank you to the women who have shared their experiences & encouragement in the book reviews as that is what made me decide to buy this book.
Buy this one! - By: Female over 18, 07 Aug 2008 This book should be bought by every woman. A special book worth every penny. Thank you. Myself & my children owe you big style. I have now read a few books on emotional abuse - there needs be more much more publicity please on the subject!!! Good luck to any woman in need of this book. This is the best I have read.
If you only buy one book on domestic abuse, make it this one - By: Keemer54, 04 Jul 2008 This is a truly brilliant book. Whether you're in a relationship with a controlling person yourself, or have been, or know someone who is (chances are you do but may not realise it), this book is for you. I bought it for my sister when she left her husband for the final time & it's become her bible, not to mention mine & my parents'.
It unpicks the myths & excuses behind abusive behaviour & makes it clear that this type of person does not 'lose control' (far from it) or have 'anger management problems'; they CHOOSE to treat their partners badly, & it brings a lot of benefits for them. Certainly my sister worked herself to a frazzle in an unrelenting effort to meet expectations, only to be told "The only problem we have is that you don't try hard enough". The point is that the goal is a shifting one that is never meant to be achieved.
One of the things that confused my sister was that her husband didn't actuallly hit her, so she didn't acknowledge it as abuse (although he was physicallly intimidating: bearing down on her while shouting, breaking furniture etc). The book helped her to realise that emotional abuse is every bit as damaging & unacceptable as physical abuse.
'Why does he do that?' removes the confusion & helps you see abusive people for what they are. Importantly, it helps you realise that you are not crazy, or stupid, or worthless, or whatever else you may have been encouraged to believe. It is written in a very accessible style & is well structured; you can dip into specific sections rather than read from cover to cover if necessary. I cannot recommend it highly enough.
NB: The book that Lundy Bancroft recommends as a resource for friends & families of abused women, 'To be an anchor in the storm' by Susan Brewster, has been reprinted under the new title of 'Helping her get free: a guide for families & friends of abused women' (also available on Amazon).
